1:36 PM Sunday, July 25, 2010
Once again, i'm back to this lonely path, blogging my soul again..
It's gone and it's really gone.. I initiated it and i knew that's what my counterpart is looking forward all along..
Sooner that my expectations, guys was her first priority straight away.. Deleting me off from FB means what? I know the purpose of it and i'm not dumb.. It gives you a better opportunity to accept as well as add guys like what you've been doing in the past before we even got tgt.. You just simply couldn't live your life without these guys.. You're tempted all along but you can't.. What about me? Did i went searching for unknown girls and adding them up? I only accept people that i really know them, but unlike you, not only just accept, you even initiate to add those you've once chatted before yet never meet at all.. What would have happened if i were to turn it the other way round, which is me doing all these? Out of all your msn contacts, merely close to 3quarter of them are unknown personnels and yet only these 3 person you add to your FB? Wasn't it obvious these are the particular one you've recently been chatting eversince you started logging back to your msn recently?
Things you dislike me to do yet you yourself does it all the times.. Asking me to delete unknowns from my list and i did it with no complaints. Reason being was simply, it's because i love you that's why i'm willing to do all this so.. Yet what about you? More than half unknown guys yet you practically deletes nothing except for your two ex-es.. Thereafter, all i can see are increments..
Accusing me? Framing me? Using body and guys to make me feel more hurt all the times, ask yourself this, have i ever engage to any of these to hurt you? Ask youself ! That's what i get.. LOVE? i doubt so.. Don't think i won't know you've already been engaging with guys the moment before we broke off.. The difference between now and then is the word aggressive.. More aggressive in knowing guys after being tied down for so long.. Leopard will never change its spots.
This is the kind of life you're suppose to live, with guys chatting with you, dating you out, knowing you and doing whatever with you.. FUCKING SHIT !
Wrongest thing i've done in life is having a FB and knowing you thus making myself so FUCKING HURT !
Learning to be strong and picking myself up once again.. Love, it's always full of pains..
Labels: Wrong path in life
Same old script with the same old cast
1:14 PM Friday, July 09, 2010
I'm feeling very very sad and unhappy.
It's gonna be a solo Birthday for me again. Everything seems to be my fault. You think i want it? You think i don't wish to have you to celebrate my Birthday with? Today is my Birthday eve and i couldn't take leave as i gotto attend my company's dinner. You think this is my choice? On my Birthday itself i need to go for my NDP parade rehearsal that will finish late, you think is my wish?
There's just so much that i don't wish to say out. Just like a moment ago in FB.
Fuck it. This isn't the first time i've got cheated anyway. I'm always being cheated over and over again.
Labels: Leave me alone on my fucking Birthday
Back to Square One
5:57 PM Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Once again, I'm back to this lonely and meaningless path..
Labels: leave me alone
what is life?
8:21 PM Saturday, April 17, 2010
I just feel so uncontented with life.. Everyone I met in life are so fake..
Hate this bitch life of mine to the core!
Labels: uncontented with life
I Hate Myself
4:24 PM Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Inside me i'm feeling so terrible.. Perhaps i'm really not a good bf.. I asked for too much in a r/s.. I committed myself willingly into a r/s and doing so much, yet expect it to be vice-versa. i guess i'm wrong.. I should tell myself this.. No one forced me to do all this.. I did all this on my own accord.. So i should not have such mentality of vice-versa? I'm just stupid..!
I just couldn't think of a way to express myself out.. My memory seems to be getting bad.. I tends to forget things much more easily nowadays..
No one believes a word of mine.. I do, I mind, I scare, I worry, I care, I bother and i say is all because i loves you and i'm afraid all this similiar stuffs that are happening will become an re-enactment of the past i once faced.. I'm ain't comparing and i know the past and the present are all different people.. No one like themselves being compared with someone else.. But i'm really not comparing.. Just that everything seems like a repeat of my life.. Who else can understand? I've already said i couldn't describe how i'm feeling inside me and it's not that i didn't want to say. All the scenarios are like repeating itself and this is the reason that i'm sad, worried and scare of.. Cause everything that behaves in this way, outcome and ending of the story i've gone through... Say and say and say.. i just can't think of a way to bring myself out to let people understand.. i only know how i'm feeling now is really unbearable, but i can't think of how i should express all this agony i'm having.. Because of not having this ability to express things out in me, i'm easily being accused, framed or even cause my love one to fall out with me.. :(
Haissssssssssssss~!! i'm feeling so lost.. so lost..
If i were to lose someone i love and treasured so deeply this time round, i won't need anyone else to console or to look for me.. I'm not going to let anyone find me, be it who he/she is.. Need not bother to call/text me as i won't give a single fuck to all this anymore.. i can't assure or promise that i'll be fine, but i can assure that this time round i will treat myself much more worst than the past..
IS ALL BECAUSE OF ME ! :'(
Labels: I Hate Myself
4:00 PM Thursday, December 24, 2009
Been drinking heavily all this while.. Alot of things in mind that words couldn't be used to express out.. Don't know what to say and what to type.. That's it..
missing you .......
Labels: Unexplainable kind of feelings
Day 372 of agony
6:45 PM Monday, December 07, 2009
It's been a year.. 30 Nov 2008, the day she walked out from me.. Those flashbacks that happened on that particular night is so heart-breaking and beyond words could explain.. If i were to say i don't miss her, i'm denying.. Afterall, what's over is still over.. Time is all i need ! Sigh ~
Well.. nothing is missed out as i hasn't been doing much things recently.. Been attending parade rehearsals for 2 weeks and i look so dark now. Hate that lining on my forehead ! Practically nothing much, except for drinking..
Tried quite a few different environments drinking on various day.. Brought personal Chivas with mixer to Fort Canning in the middle of the night, drinking in hotel room, drinking in the car and drink while driving at the same time.. Was praying so hard that i'll never bump onto any roadblocks...
Went Zouk as well last Wednesday for a while..
Today was a half day parade training and tomorrow gonna be a long day again just like any previous rehearsals.. Having a day off on Wednesday, that means tomorrow night must not be wasted.. No one to drink with, no one to go out with and worst of all no place to go to!
Labels: A year to you may seems fast, but never for me