I Hate Myself
4:24 PM Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Inside me i'm feeling so terrible.. Perhaps i'm really not a good bf.. I asked for too much in a r/s.. I committed myself willingly into a r/s and doing so much, yet expect it to be vice-versa. i guess i'm wrong.. I should tell myself this.. No one forced me to do all this.. I did all this on my own accord.. So i should not have such mentality of vice-versa? I'm just stupid..!
I just couldn't think of a way to express myself out.. My memory seems to be getting bad.. I tends to forget things much more easily nowadays..
No one believes a word of mine.. I do, I mind, I scare, I worry, I care, I bother and i say is all because i loves you and i'm afraid all this similiar stuffs that are happening will become an re-enactment of the past i once faced.. I'm ain't comparing and i know the past and the present are all different people.. No one like themselves being compared with someone else.. But i'm really not comparing.. Just that everything seems like a repeat of my life.. Who else can understand? I've already said i couldn't describe how i'm feeling inside me and it's not that i didn't want to say. All the scenarios are like repeating itself and this is the reason that i'm sad, worried and scare of.. Cause everything that behaves in this way, outcome and ending of the story i've gone through... Say and say and say.. i just can't think of a way to bring myself out to let people understand.. i only know how i'm feeling now is really unbearable, but i can't think of how i should express all this agony i'm having.. Because of not having this ability to express things out in me, i'm easily being accused, framed or even cause my love one to fall out with me.. :(
Haissssssssssssss~!! i'm feeling so lost.. so lost..
If i were to lose someone i love and treasured so deeply this time round, i won't need anyone else to console or to look for me.. I'm not going to let anyone find me, be it who he/she is.. Need not bother to call/text me as i won't give a single fuck to all this anymore.. i can't assure or promise that i'll be fine, but i can assure that this time round i will treat myself much more worst than the past..
IS ALL BECAUSE OF ME ! :'(
Labels: I Hate Myself
